A lot has changed since the last time I posted. Two years have gone by. I now have a beautiful little girl. It's no wonder that I haven't posted. Raising a child is the most difficult thing that I've ever done. I'm in awe of people who have more than one! I honestly can't imagine.

Anyway, I'm going to try to post more often than once every two years. Be looking for some changes in appearance, and then hopefully there will be some interesting conversations. I love conversations!

My Christmas Prayer

by BeBe Winans

"I pray for peace
Blessings and honor
Heaven right earth's despair
This is my Christmas prayer
For those that grieve
God will bring comfort
Laughter will rapture there
This is my Christmas prayer

I pray for you
That you triumph and conquer
And posess the strength you neeed to bare
This is my Christmas prayer
For those in need
There would be plenty
And each other's burdens share
This is my Christmas prayer..."

Here is my best friend, Charity, and me at a wedding. 

Thanksgiving

It's a couple days late, but I have a lot to be thankful for. First of all, I'm very thankful that the doctors have finally figured out what is wrong with my brother, and they're hopefully going to be able to help him with medication.

Secondly, I have a very great guy for a husband. He works really hard which I admire him for. He also treats me like a princess, because he loves me. I am a very lucky girl.

Yesterday, I was reminded about how wonderful a good friend is. My best friend Charity called and we talked for over an hour. It was so nice to talk to someone (ok, I'll be honest... a girl) who really understands you, knows your history without you having to explain your baggage, and knows just the thing to say to give you some encouragement. There have been times in my life where I wished I had more friends and felt more than a little lonely. Now, I realize to have one true friend (which I am blessed to have a husband, a dad, a brother, and a sister-in-law as friends, too) is rare and more than enough. All of these people have a special role in my life and, I feel, they were hand-picked by God for me. I am a very, very lucky girl.

God is Faithful

If you happen to come across my blog, maybe it is for this reason. My brother has been very sick lately with bad headaches and episodes of falling unconscious. The doctors have not been able to figure it out as of yet. Please pray that he will recover soon. Our family does not want to live in fear, but to trust God in all things. Thank you for remembering him in your prayers.

Time Flies Whether You're Having Fun Or Not

Do you ever feel like you are just going through life on auto-pilot? I do all the time. I get frustrated with the entire cycle. I hear people talk about how people are selfish (Christians in particular) and they don't do enough of anything good. It's exhausting to me. I see my dad work his tail off to further God's kingdom, and I feel his frustration that it's not enough... in fact, people are constantly telling him that it's not enough. If he doesn't do "enough" and I do nothing, then I think I'm in real trouble.

I've named this blog "self-reflection," but let's face it... self reflection is no good if there is no change involved. I've tried making goals for myself. I always fail. The only thing that I've made small progress in is trying to put others before me like at work and... (oh, that's the only place I see people besides my husband.) So, just wondering if anyone else has any insight about making a difference in the world. The million dollar question, right?

Discontentment

I have huge issues. I guess if I admit to them, I can make a shift in the right direction. Here's the deal...

I decide how I think things should go for me-- you know, big life events in a certain order at a certain time. I have this notion that if I believe it, it will happen. Some call it faith, but it might be a more hocus-pocus type of thinking. I'm leaning toward the second. Anyway, I really think that everything is going to be just like my plan because I believe it. Guess what? It never happens according to my plan. I end up completely devastated every time. You might think it would be normal to be disappointed about such things. But the disappointment is not the problem, although it does get old. The event itself is not that big of deal. I can revise "the plan." But, I start looking at everyone else's course of life, and wondering why mine doesn't go like whoever else. By comparing me to other random people, I start to be ungrateful and discontent. These thoughts start coming into my mind..."Nothing ever goes right." "What did I do to deserve this?" "I try so hard to do everything right..."

The point is not to throw away goals and dreams. Stop comparing apples to oranges. God devised a plan that was picked out for me as unique as my DNA. Do I trust Him to work out things for good, or do I want to control everything? When I look at the way things turn out that I try to control, it is never a good thing. The goal is to be grateful for what I have today, and trust God for what I need tomorrow.